Matchweek 9: Manchester United 0 – 5 Liverpool – Player Ratings

I mean… I don’t really know what to say. Days this satisfying and cathartic don’t come along very often. I just hope we called off the hounds quick enough to keep Ole’s job secure.

Ratings

Alisson – 8

Some big stops early and a little bit of luck until the wheels came off. Does well to keep Greenwood & Ronaldo out. 

TAA – 9

Trademark ball in on the break for the 2nd goal. Defensively sound, and has added these beautiful slaloming runs through the midfield into an already deadly arsenal going forward.  

Konate – 8

What a spot to get a start. Looked like someone’s dickheaded older brother out in a neighborhood pickup game, just strolling around shoving kids over. Absolute man mountain. 

VVD – 8

I’m pretty sure, if you look closely, you see Rashford pee that one time he came out on em. Isn’t going to need his pre-injury quickness if he can just scare the bejesus out of people. Him and Konate, side by side, look ridiculous. In the best way.   

Robbo – 8

10 minutes in and Greenwood figured out he wanted nothing to do with Robbo. Desperately wanted him to put his finger in the eye of that c*nt, Ronaldo. 

Henderson – 8

Not ever at his best in the 6 but absolutely bossed it on the day. Had about as many touches as the entire United team and then puts through a worldie of an outside-of-the-foot through ball in for Mo’s third.

Milner – 7

Turns out you can’t do 3 games in 8 days at 35 years of age. Even if you’re built out of fortified steel and Ribena.

Keita – 10 

Hugely polarizing player puts in the best performance on the pitch until he’s scythed down by perhaps the laziest, rotten miscreant in world football. Was absolutely dazzling going forward. Broke up play in dangerous places, moved into desirable spaces. Involved in everything good. Get well, Naby Lad.

Jota – 8

He’s got a little bit of Dirk Kuyt in him, ya know? Doesn’t mind the dirty work and knows where to be.  

Bobby – 8 

He’s the glue. Love him to bits. Dropped deep into the mids and forced decisions of McFred, neither wanted to make. Absolutely critical in the linkup and high press.

Salah – 10

I’ve run out of nice things to say. And honesty, everything feels like a massive understatement at this point. He’s unplayable and he’s reached the level few have where he is single-handedly making everyone in the side better by just sheer proximity.

THE SUBS

Jones – 8  (‘27)

Really hit the ground running, in a tough spot. I desperately wanted Jones’s stomach to open up with monstrous teeth, like some b-side horror flick, tear Ronaldo’s leg from his body and watch the life slowly drain from him like some sort of epic, karma-soaked final scene. That’s probably a bit much, but that’s how I felt at that moment and I refuse to apologize for it.

Ox – 7 (‘64)

Don’t get hurt. Don’t score. Don’t concede. Job done. 

Mane – 7 (‘76)

Imagine being down 5 goals at home to your most hated rival and see Sadio Mane coming off the bench. I like to imagine, Klopp looking down the touchline at Ole and slowly winking.

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