A Premier League Yard Sale

Perhaps you, or someone you love, likes fun food. Not only the cool flavors – like rich chocolates, bright lemons, and sweet frosting. To that end, I went to a yard sale and picked up a muffin tin for making pumpkin-shaped baked treats. I was at the yard sale because I’m between three emotions, and wandering around other people’s garages soothes me. It’s also an easy way to save on items you planned to buy anyway. Like that pumpkin-shaped muffin tin. Or the training ladder I saw on Facebook Marketplace. Five bucks for a hardly worn ladder and carry bag makes me happy. But not enough.

READ MORE: My Stages Of Football Grief by Jeff Cutler
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Back to my emotions running amok.

I’m sad about Jurgen. I’m frustrated at a league that doesn’t know how to enforce FFP rules. And I’m anxious about the future.

Putting Up Flyers

What makes this different than all the random emotions you and I and everyone have? It’s ENTIRELY related to Liverpool Football Club. I didn’t get fired. I’m not having trouble assembling a gas grill. And I’m not exceptionally worried about the future.

These emotions are the direct result of everyday activities. More specifically, the direct result of normal activities over which I have no control.

FURTHERMORE, I AM NOT PLACING BLAME. Not on FSG or Jurgen’s family. Not on VAR….ok, a little on VAR. And definitely not on the players who moved on.

I’m not even sure having the likes of Mané or Firmino would have helped us win a second or third cup this year. I’m just a bundle of stuff that needs to be shared with people or just thrown out.

THAT’S the yard-sale connection here. And yes, things on LFC need to be thrown out and tweaked. In my mind, we’re holding an LFC yard sale and we hope to come away with a bit more silver and many more memories.

Don’t Tell Me How To Feel

Before you start telling me to get over it, remember, I’m kinda the new guy.

I’m feeling these emotions because I’m viciously invested in the team. While my support for the Reds has been shorter than some – I chose to follow Liverpool in 2017 – it hasn’t wavered at all. And I’ve not had troubling questions about the future…until now.

What can I do? What should I do? How should I feel?

Perhaps my largest handicap is that I haven’t had the pleasure and pain of living through other gaffers. It’s sort of like being taught to ride a bike, but different.

I think it’s like being taught to do a bicycle kick…but harder.

Regardless, here is the yard sale I’d have if somebody gave me control…

Items I Would Part With

Mo Salah – No price tag is high enough but think of the stuff we could do with that money. Wow.

Nike Kit – Just bring back a decent kit. New Balance and Adidas are trusted names.

Pocketless Hoodies – You’re thinking “WTF??”, but go visit the official LFC store and look at the variety of hoodies without pockets/pouches. I was dumbfounded when my pouchless hoodie arrived. It’s quality, comfy, and great workmanship. But no pocket! What’s the reason for this? Is it sport-related? You might catch the pouch on something or forget that you had your car keys in the pouch while playing. OMG, having a hood is far more dangerous than having a pocket. Why do you think NFL coach Bill Belichick always wore sweatshirts with the hoods torn off? SAFETY.

Sketchy Play – This is primarily on defense and often by two guys who are technically great and should be mature enough not to play cynically. EPL runs into enough questions about integrity without having players confirm it with dirty play. Oh, the players are Endo and Mac Alister. *Keep the players – get them to play cleanly.

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VAR’s Opaqueness – Honestly, I like VAR. The aspect of this technology that hurts me is its application. I know of few other professional sports where on-field rulings reviewed by replay, are so subjective. It’s science and we’re dealing with facts, so it should be simple.

Hey, PGMOL, my solution is to have one VAR in the booth. All they do is watch for on-field incidents. Their ONLY action is when they see a foul, etc. is to alert the on-field referee. They can talk, but the on-field referee makes the final decision AND in all scoring plays and red cards, the ref will be required to watch the video to confirm or adjust their call.

Lastly, to make it more effective, all major match decisions will be reviewed weekly. Incorrect decisions will result in discipline for refs AND point adjustments for matches where a call affected the final score.

Shopping Spree – Buy These Things With The Yard Sale Cash

Jurgen’s Expertise – He’s tired, sure. He said he would never manage a different team in the EPL…so there’s a chance. Let’s just let Jurgen practice his paddle ball and come back as an advisor when he’s ready. Behind the scenes, he could still have a huge impact! Yeah, I’m still in denial.

Lawyers – I have had it with the Man City charges and the additional seasons we could have been EPL champions if they had been sanctioned or had points deducted. One point, two points, more points…what does it matter? The authorities are not following the contractural rules and enforcing them.

I hate to say it, but if Man City can keep getting away with cheating, they will. So, with some of the cash I’d like to hire a solid team of lawyers. Specifically, those well-versed in contract law.

Then I would set them loose on the league and its regulating partners until Man City is relegated. (Sure, the topic is beaten to death, but I’m still incensed over it).

Love and Milner – What’s this? Who is Joy? Settle down, I’ll explain. If it’s all possible to reverse the phrase ‘money can’t buy you love’, I would use the rest of the Mo money to stabilize our backfield and midfield;

I would create ultimate fan experiences where LFC gives away 97 seats to every match at Anfield;

Finally, I would create a position that harkens back to the early days of social media – the chief morale officer – then hire James Milner to fill that role in a lifetime appointment.

His two tasks would be to be the sideline captain once he’s done playing and to run all the fitness drills for the team.

Problem solved, right?

Closing Up Shop

Not even close. We’d hate to see Mo go; Jurgen is a man of his word, unfortunately when it comes to managing; and I’m still like you – traumatized after a season where we had the cup in our control.

This trauma has caused me to go on some wild tangents and unsupported suppositions and plans. I hope to be better soon…watching Man U beat City helped a little.

Maybe now I need a chocolate, devils-food cupcake in the shape of a pumpkin to get this season’s taste out of my mouth.

Thanks for reading – I promise more coherence as we get closer to the start of 24-25. Let’s go boys!

YNWA