Matchweek 32 – Manchester City 4 – 0 Liverpool : Match Ratings

Ever showed up to work drunk? So have these lads…
Still champs. Still 20 points clear. Deep breath.

Alisson – 5
Nowhere near any of the goals conceded. Probably felt odd after spending the entirety of the Palace match in a folding chair with refreshments.

TAA – 4
Erratic in distribution. Turnover machine. Did his best to put Jesus Gabriel in on goal with that long throw-in. Probably off the worst hangover of his short life, to be fair.

Gomez – 4
Can you imagine if that had been Lovren who put in that kind of first half performance? Soft or not, deffo a pen and never got any better. Don’t know if subbing him with no centerback on the bench was the right move, but feck…

Van Dijk – 6
Pretty sure he’s giving the rest of the lads the silent treatment right now. Couple of exquisite long balls that Mane should have made count, first half. Spent the majority of the second half trying to put out a house fire with a water gun.

Robertson – 4
The drunkest lad at the office party. Obviously. Over pursued everything.

Gini – 5
Responsible for the second goal. Consistently turned the ball over in bad positions. Was always a half step off it.

Fabinho – 6
Had some nice long diagonals and did well to break up play first half. Moving him to the backline second half noticeably weakened our midfield.

Henderson – 7
Probably the best of the worst on the night. I bet he’s laying out the fume on the coach home. Crisp in and out of possession. Responsible for more than anyone should be, second half with Fab pushed back.

Mane – 7
He tucks in any of those early chances and it’s a different game. Just slips on his own drool on that second half sitter. Made all the runs but could have played til midnight and probably not scored. One of those days.

Firmino – 5
Decent 20 minutes before quietly ghosting the rest of the match. A passenger. Can’t say that too often about ’em.

Salah – 6
Rattles the post and that pretty much sums it up. Threatened all game but always off by small margins.


OX – 5
Showed Mane how to properly bury one.

Keita – 6
Looked good going forward. Decent movement, good distribution, creative. Stay fit, lad. Stay fit…

Origi – 5
Seems ages ago that I had any real hope he could provide some magic. Just a passenger.

Neco – 6
Looks the part. I love it.

Minamino – N/A
5 minutes of decent movement. I got three kids that way.