Liverpool vs Porto Player Ratings by Jason Kennedy

Filling in for Cozzy, here is Jason’s ratings for Liverpool vs Porto

Allisson – 7 Nothing to do. One good save with his feet of course. Beard a 9.

Alexander-Arnold – 7 Arlo White claimed his a “cultured right foot”. Indeed. But he’s been on a shaky run defensively. Seems to be turning that around though. Lives at home.

Milly – 7 Was hoping he’d play backwards and back heel a few crosses to troll his mate Robbo. Looked vulnerable but solid at the same time, if that’s possible. Needs a left foot. Alberto Moreno wept.

VVD – 8 So clearly the best center-back in the world it’s crazy. Like the Bay’s of English Muffins. But only an 8 til he scores and drives the bus. Colossus. His hair a tease.

Degsy – 7 Looked really good after a long time off. But please bring us Joe Gomez. Or this Lovren he’s serviceable. We are told Mo likes him.

Fabinho – 8 Remember when the pundits said Liverpool signed the wrong midfielder and Arsenal got the baller in Torreira? I do and they’re knuckleheads. Embraces the bald. Lanky.

Henderson – 8 He was a 9 until he saved a Mo goal. Thrived in a more attacking role, as if he knows there’s an Ox over his shoulder. Hendinho. He likes to get a work rate rating. We fancy ourselves better than this. But looks good in an Nivea ad

Naby – 9 An absolute force emerging. The player we were promised 18 months ago is coming good, big time. Linking with the front line in a dangerous way. Not sure he’s speaking English. Not sure we are either

Mo – 8 Does any other world class scorer track back like the Egyptian King? What a man! Defensively like a moving pill box.

Bobby – 8 The ultimate combo of style and substance. Worked hard as always. The silky feet of Özil with the work-rate of a beaver. Teeth somewhere in between. Actually teeth a 9.5. This rating is what 4 out of 5 dentists recommend

Mane – 8 Runs up the middle that no one else makes. Always deserves a goal. Woulda been nice if he buried the curler. Offside was the correct call on the tap-in…barely.

SUBS

Origi – N/A Still not paying for an Orange juice in Liverpool. Sending him some now. Fresh from Chicago.

Sturridge – N/A but always a 7 since he is a dancing threat.

Shaqiri – 10 Even though he didn’t see the pitch. He remains the #AlpineMessi

Filed from the Chicago Office