Kidnapping Or Just Napping?
About a month ago, I was locked in the trunk of a car against my will. It was dark and scary, and I had no idea how to get out. On the plus side, I wasn’t blindfolded, and I had my phone with me.
It took me about 27 minutes of googling to find out how to escape the trunk of a Chevy BOLT without the key. It didn’t help that much.
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Now, you’re probably aware from watching adventure movies that if you’re in a trunk, there are a few things you can do. You kick out the lights so other cars notice the vehicle and listen carefully for any clues of where you’re going – e.g., railroad tracks; seagulls; bells; horns; announcements, etc. You can make some noise, but in the movies, that just gets you beaten up.
Being a fan of remaining un-beaten-up, I remained silent and was vigilant in looking for a way to escape. The best thing you can do – and this is where TV and movies have lied to us for 100 years – is locate the “TRUNK RELEASE” cord and free yourself.
Let me tell you, it was an amazing and frightening experience. I bet if you’ve read my other columns, you won’t be surprised to hear that it was my own fault.
Yup. It was on me.
You see, I wasn’t kidnapped; it was my car, and the latch wouldn’t work. Perhaps this shouldn’t have surprised me – especially with 100k miles on the original 12v battery. Though we get spoiled when things are working fine…we never think they’ll run out of energy or life.
Regardless, back into the trunk!
A few minutes after I breathe my way through a panic attack, I Google how to get free. The gremlins at Google tell me THERE IS A RELEASE knob!! OMIGOD, I’m saved…or so I thought. No more panic; freedom is coming!
Nope. Nein. Nada. No way.
It turned out the only tool I would need to escape the hatchback was a non-standard, quasi-squarish socket of exceptional length. That’s right, a socket that doesn’t exist…well, it exists, but in the toolboxes of the EV technicians at Chevrolet.
Suffice it to say, I was near tears after using pens, wrenches, screwdrivers, Leatherman tools, and even coat hangers. After making an insane call to the Chevy dealer to tell them what I thought of their designs, I was able to get free by bending the corner of an agility cone and twisting it.
Which makes this a soccer story
Once I was free, I saw the light. There is no reason to carry more than I can – on this Earth or in the back of my car. How many balls are enough? How many shoes can you wear at a time? What about socks, shin pads, shorts, kits, reversible jerseys, extra laces, and more?
Do I actually need to buy a new backpack to hold all the excess in my soccer life? As I ponder this, I move over to the mindset at LFC – and what are they thinking as they clean house this summer?
In some ways, I think the whole management team was locked in a virtual trunk by Mo and VVD, and the need to succeed. Why did we have to push so hard this season? I feel like we mortgaged part of our future – especially until 27-28 – by trying to win twice in a row with Slot.
What do I know…I’m just a guy who locks himself in his car trunk. But I watch the matches. I bleed red. I sing the songs. SIX HOURS is my round-trip time to see each match. I care as much as the next guy or girl…and I’m frustrated that management seems to see less than I can.
Is that how the EPL works? I’m still relatively new here, so I don’t fully understand why diving and phantom fouls can’t be eliminated, and how handball can have so many definitions.
Seriously, it’s not a complicated game!
Kick the ball, pass the ball, shoot the ball, spend 40 gazillion dollars, and end up in fifth place? That’s not a recipe for happiness – that’s a path to despair. How many of you can honestly say that this season was one you will cherish forever?
The only redeeming thing from this season for me is the time I spent with loved ones. Those times could have happened in a pub watching LFC, or they could have been at the beach somewhere, or they could have been at a concert or or or or or.
Ultimately, 2025-26 wasn’t a stellar result – fifth place??? – and I lament some of the energy I wasted being angry at the team. They’re not listening to me. They are just doing their jobs.
I tried to think about the last time I sat next to a utility truck and became irate at the way the technician was delivering cable to the house next door. It’s crazy.
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Want another example? Here you go – I’m not usually chirping at the chef when I go out to eat. And I usually let surgeons do their work without my input.
Maybe I need to stick a sock in it and just go along for the ride. And maybe I don’t. C’mon Liverpool, show me something, show us something, show the world something. As we inch toward the next season, I’m a bit puzzled. Are we going to live up to expectations? What are THOSE expectations? Will other supporters feel similarly, or will they just stay in their lane and support everything LFC does?
I don’t know where it goes from here. I know it doesn’t end…and it doesn’t end for me either. I’m here for the long haul.
I just wish the team would make it a little easier to be a fan. #YNWA