I Have Questions…

The 24-25 campaign is underway and we’re off to a solid start. Hope is springing eternal, jerseys and gear are being purchased, and fantasy football has already run away with the title.

Regarding fantasy, if you didn’t pick up Haaland to start the season you should delete the app and walk away. Leave your team to fester (it was going to anyhow). Find something else football-related to get joy from.

Read some of the books written by players and gaffers. Plan your EPL dream trip itinerary. Maybe take up Woccer.

READ MORE: Water You Doing? by Jeff Cutler
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The Beautiful Stroll

What’s that? Woccer (my word) is a walking version of ‘association football’, which is the football/soccer we are familiar with all over the world. There are currently thousands of teams in Europe and many being formed as I type this in the United States.

According to Google and Wikipedia, coverage of a walking football match on Sky Sports in 2017 was thought to be a joke. Quickly, the station and it’s viewers and the whole of England realized it was real.

From that moment, it’s taken off and is now played all over the world. This presents us with two great eventualities, a new sport and maybe a new direction for aging players. At some point, those of us who are getting a little too banged up to play football on a regular pitch, pick-up or otherwise, now have a new sport to ease us into the nursing home.

Further, I propose an EPL Woccer League where players we’ve given up on can enjoy the twilight of their careers without being in the way. I’m thinking Casemiro, Harry Maguire, and pretty much 8-10 more Man United players.
Woccer’s very existence brings up a lot of questions and thoughts about our favored game.

My Questions

Is Ryan Gravenberch the real deal? Solid start to the year…maybe a puzzle piece we were lacking.

Why do stadiums waste money on seats? The percentage of time supporters spend seated is often negligible. Those seats must last for decades.

Is the play on the pitch getting more violent? There are still yellows being given, yet I think I’ve seen half a dozen reds already in the first six weeks of the season.

Or are the refs being more stringent? Maybe it’s a mix of both players pushing limits and refs calling more transgressions.

Why is there so little hair on the top of the top EPL gaffers? Maybe smart people have brains that push so hard on the inside of the skull that hair can’t hang on.

During practice, does Joe Gomez put on a clinic and score with every part of his body from every angle on the pitch? I’m thinking this is his breakout year, I predict an assist and a goal.

Are football players cat people or dog people? Maybe it breaks down in the same percentages as the general public. Though maybe the choice of cat or dog is more tied to a player’s position.

Are cat people more likely to be keepers? Are dog people more likely to be strikers?

Wouldn’t it be cool if minotaurs were real? It wouldn’t help in soccer, but it could be a huge boon to the polo industry.

What’s with the macho – or style-forward – behavior of wearing tiny shin guards and pushed-down socks? If it’s for style, are players willing to take the shin kicks in exchange for looking cool?

AND if pushing socks and shin guards down doesn’t result in a slew of broken shins, then are players…..GASP…..faking a percentage of their injuries?

A Proposal And Some Final Questions

Can we talk about the ‘second-yellow’ phenomenon going on in the league? I don’t think this level of punishment is enough to change behavior. Either stop picking on players for delay or making hand motions about cards; OR make the punishment mean something.

I suggest these punishments be time-based and they happen immediately. A yellow in the 63rd minute should be identical to a yellow in the fourth minute. But four minutes into a match, no ref is pulling out their cards.

So change that. No matter when a foul occurs, if it card level, give the card! AND each card should carry a five-minute sideline punishment. Simply put, get a yellow, and sit down for five minutes.

That change will have far-reaching implications for pace of play and injuries. No player is going to jump in if the penalty is being on the sidelines. In our pickup league, you’d think being a substitute was a death sentence. I can’t imagine the pros are less serious about playing time.

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Is it against the rules to have so many good Dutch players on one team? As long as we’re OK, let’s keep getting players who keep us solid right up the middle.

Being serious for a moment, the players aren’t going to go on strike, are they? Follow up is how that might impact fans and plans. Especially if it comes to a head and play stops anywhere around Festive Fixtures time. Think about it.

That’s all I’ve got from here today – transparency always, Reds play in 30 minutes and I’ve got to wrap this column up and get a drink and snack before I settle down.

I timed this food run and match viewing with the reading of this column, and if you stop reading in just about 31 seconds, you’ll have time to do the same.

Have a wonderful month. Hit me with your story ideas or Venmo.

#YNWA