Liverpool vs Crystal Palace Ratings by Stephen Ward and Jason Kennedy
Jason – howdy folks. Woody and I have been failing to coordinate our fixture list. Result: well, results like having Ole at the wheel. It’s not been pretty. So below are essentially Woody’s ratings – with a possible edit/comment from me. I am already giddy at the idea of David Moyes 2: Blue Merseyside Boogaloo.
Woody – Phew. Sorry, folks. I’ve been in Wisconsin watching games on my computer, my phone, and in mostly empty bars where they are slowly viewing me as less of a fetishist for requesting European footy. Footy fetishist. Jason and I have not been coordinating to get out the rankings. So I finally made it to A.J. Hudson’s only to find out Jason had ditched me for Indiana. Fortunately, Praneet is a mortal lock to secure a table and a group of loyal Chicago Scousers. Anyway, phew!! Another one goal late win over the bus parkers of the world. Same old same old.
When I arrived Spurs were up 2-0 on West Ham. I had already come to hate Spurs and now they have Mourinho. Unbelievable. Deadspin, in their NFL previews, called Chicago Bears fans meatbreathing snowhumpers. I can accept that, but that makes Spurs fans fishbreathing rainhumpers. And Harry Kane kind of looks like a fish. 20% great player. 80% dark arts and total shithousery. The first part of that equation is capped under Mourinho, but the sky is the limit on the latter part. On to the rankings.
Alisson – 7
He was amazing when he was a somewhat mysterious unknown quantity. Then he became Brazil’s number one. Then he starting seeming like one of the guys on Liverpool. Now he doesn’t have quite the same aura of invincibility. He’s still pretty amazing though.
Trent – 7
Referee Kevin Friend appeared to basically apologize to TAA for giving the foul that let to their VARquished goal. He looked like he didn’t want to reward Zaha’s dive but felt he had to because Trent had put a hand on his back. It would have been nice if he’d had the onions to not give it so wouldn’t have another VARtroversy. I bet he wishes he’d made that choice.
Lovren – 8
What can I say except to apologize to Degsi. I continue to call for Gomez, and I still believe in playing Joe, but Lovren is awesome at the moment. He wins tackles and aerials, positions himself beautifully and, gulp, reads the game? Who are you and what have you done with Mo’s friend Dejan Lovren?
VVD – 8
I loved it when they tried to play a through ball on him. Not only did he comfortably outrun their attacker, but he waited until just short of the line to ping it off him and out for a goal kick. Calm as you like.
Robbo – 7
It’s tough for Robbo to really do his thing when they park two buses perpendicular to the pitch so the wide guys have nowhere to run. One bus in the center is no problem for our fullbacks. But two of them sideways? Jason will know my solution. It rhymes with baby beta. Anyway, Robbo still got the assist ha.
Fabinho – 7
He did some of his usual great work but has an altered and limited role against a team like Uncle Roy’s palace.
Gini – 7
See Fab above. LFC could have used a little more creativity from Gini. The way we set up the midfielders all have to be somewhat conservative a lot of the time. But against Palace? Naby, Naby, Naby.
Hendo – 7
Since I was making new friends in Jason’s unexcused absence, I decided to float one of my favorite test balloons: Jordan Henderson, center-back. Praneet, Claire, and Owen were not ready for my vision.
Ox – 6
This is the second time I can recall Klopp playing him forward right recently. Surely that has looked good in training, but it’s the second time it hasn’t worked out in a game. They’ll probably keep trying it, it’ll click, and I’ll look like an idiot as usual. In the meantime, it wasn’t Ox’s day.
Firmino – 8
Liverpool’s website recently ran a clip of Firmino and Fabinho ranking the all-time great Brazilians. Bobby was hilarious because he totally dissed the old-timers, including Pele, in favor of recent guys who influenced his own creativity like Rivaldo. Kids these days. It sort of spoke volumes about just how much football to Bobby is just a really fun thing to do. Gets the match-winner.
Sadio – 8
He missed on a few of what the gaffer would call half-chances but was always the most likely to score on the pitch. We were talking about his will to win and how badly he wanted to get Liverpool a goal. And then he did. It feels like I’ve written that before. And I’ll write it again.
Origi – 7
Milner , Gomez – n/a
Claire saw my Jordan Henderson CB idea and raised me a James Milner CB. I said he’s like 5’9″. She said yes but he’d win every tackle. True. High concept. Well played.
In other news, Everton lost to Norwich. As Nate texted, Happy Thanksgiving Everton. But who will manage them in the derby? That news should drop on Monday.