Two Stooges
Oh, Virgil.
And also, aww, Virgil.
Do you remember Mikel Arteta saying a few weeks ago that Liverpool will slip, and when Liverpool slips, Arsenal will be there to take advantage? Good script, especially if you’re a Gunner. In reality, it’s Arsenal that have slipping on those banana peels…but like in any good vaudeville act, Liverpool seems to immediately follow through for comedic impact.
It’s the two stooges show.
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When the Hammers equalized on the 87th minute, via a banana-peel-slip level defensive miscommunications between Van Dijk and Robbo, two of the most experienced defenders in the world and captains of their national teams, I rolled my eyes to the heavens. Why can’t we just finish it off? Arsenal keeps giving us the nod, and we keep winking and nodding back. It’s as if the Reds have some sort of secret handshake happening behind the scenes with the TV networks. Something like this:
“Yo, TV guys, how about we’ll keep it artificially interesting for your pundits and commentators so y’all can talk about the chances of us not winning the league, and in return, you start showing us some love next season?”
I can just see it.
Thankfully, the very same Van Dijk decided enough was enough, and made up for the horror show two minutes later with a vintage captain’s goal. When Macca went to swing that corner in, two things ran through my mind. One, it was our 11th corner of the game, which on average, in theory, should produce something good. Two, Liverpool have been so awful on corners this season, we might as well turn off the TV.
You’re a Liverpool fan, surely you know the feeling well.
So when Van Dijk’s header went in – you might say it looked straight forward, but it took incredible concentration and focus, the kind that so many players cannot muster in these circumstances this late in a game – my brain took a moment to calibrate into the right neural path. Then, I screamed in joy but mostly in relief. In that moment, everybody knew that the Reds weren’t going to let themselves slip on another peel.
The thing about this game is it should have been over in the first half. Liverpool dominated so heavily that for long stretches it seemed like a training exercise. And yet, only utter brilliance from Mo Salah to deliver an awe-inspiring assist ended up changing the score line. That pass was no less than perfect in how it had just enough on it to thread through everybody and in the process, lose all the energy to allow Lucho to score the easiest tap-in in history. Dan (the jinx from last week’s column) commented that it was like the theory of universal entropy; had the energy decay on the pass been just a wee bit more or less, it would not have been a goal. Pretty much like our very existence and that of our entire universe. I kinda liked that analogy.
A cosmically perfect pass.
Incidentally, it puts Mo back in the goal contributions column to celebrate his new contract.
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I find it hard to pick a man-of-the-match today. Lucho was our most consistent and potent threat. Virgil and Konate did well in the back – but only for the most part. Tsimi had a good showing, as did Macca. Ali made a couple of excellent saves, proving again why he is the best in the business. But I’m going to give the nod to Conor Bradley, who had the unenviable job of keeping Kudus quiet while also pushing Salah forward, and did admirably. The differences between him and Trent are obvious; Bradley is better in shutting out the dangers while still providing decent creativity, while his more senior colleague is the opposite. And yes, I still hold out hope that both will continue to wear red next season. It’s nice to have both options.
So here we are. My prediction that we will receive our first guard of honor at Stamford Bridge still stands, even if to comes about as part of a stage act. I only ask this:
Can we please stop trying to please the TV people?